Backseat Passengers

Car Full of Sheep; Deb Marshall artwork

One day I was making the seemingly endless trip between the home place and the coast, and ‘round about Northwood I got stuck behind a slow station wagon that was packed to the roof with some sort of grayish-white matter. It kept shifting, but never cleared, and while I was wondering how the driver could possibly see out her rear-view window, the load shifted and a long black face with bright eyes appeared, pressed up against the hatchback window. It was a sheep!  And when I got a chance to pass the car, I discovered the car was packed absolutely full with sheep, from the fuzzy depths of which emerged a human head and hands, which I assume were in charge of driving the car.

On the way north, another day, I pulled into a gas-station/convenience store and parked a few cars away from the door. When I got out of the car, I discovered there was a rather large green parrot perched atop the roof of the car two spaces from me. “Why, hello,” I said to it; and it cocked its head and looked at me, then took a little stroll across the roof of the car, down the windshield, onto the hood, then back onto the roof, where it started to preen. I got a good look – no tethers on its legs, and I knew there was a pet store down the road about half a mile. “Must have escaped,” I thought, “I’d better keep an eye on it until someone comes out, and they can go call the pet store.” At the time, my Dad had a parrot, so I knew better than to try to pick it up, because they can bite hard, and this was a very large parrot; but all the stories I’d ever heard of exotic birds accidentally getting free and lost while anxious bird parents searched frantically for it ran through my head. So I leaned back against the car and kept talking to it hoping it wouldn’t fly off, and the parrot kept preening and watching me, though it had nothing to say.

Parrot on a Car Roof; Deb Marshall artwork

Soon the store door opened and out came a fellow headed my way. Finally, I thought, help in a very weird situation. But no; without a glance at the parrot or me, he quickly hopped into the parrot’s car and started it up. As he started to back out and the words I was going to say were drowned by the engine, the parrot ducked down and entered the open back-seat window. I marveled, and still wonder, sometimes, if the driver eventually looked in his rearview window and got a great surprise.

Out-back neighbor Eddie B used to have a couple of horses and a very, very busy pony, who figured out how to open everyone’s stall doors and also the barn door. No system they tried discouraged this intrepid wanderer, and - usually after midnight - Pony would decide to take a stroll. The two horses would happily follow Pony up the hill headed for Elkins, stopping here and there to munch good stuff on the way. Eddie finally fixed the problem by putting an alarm on the barn door, so he’d know to hop out of bed and go after the escapees. 

If he followed them, Pony and the horses picked up speed and Eddie B had a hard time catching them. So instead he’d drive his van the other way around to Elkins, and then back towards Wilmot, pick a spot to turn it around, open the back doors, and set down a ramp, with a few carrots or a pail of grain inside as pony lure. Then he’d settle down and snooze until Pony and his followers arrived. Pony would get in the van to get the treats; the horses, too big for the van, would stand about outside, while Eddie shut Pony in. Then he’d turn around and drive home slowly, Pony hanging his head out the open window like a dog, and horses happily following their leader back to the barn.

Too Small for Horses, but not for Ponies!  Deb Marshall artwork

 

Back in the dark ages, I made the acquaintance of some folks who were traveling cross-country over the  summer months. We talked about how long the trip was, how interesting it had been, and how I thought it sounded like fun, but I had too many animals to do such a thing, including a couple of cats. “Look in the way back,” one of the Travelers said. There, in the station wagon back, was their mother cat and her newly-born litter of kittens. “She likes to travel,” I was told. “We were going to leave her with friends until we got back in the fall, but as soon as the car was packed, she hopped in and made that nest. We didn’t know she was pregnant until - voila!”

Dogs enjoying a ride are no surprise to anyone; but the very best was the dream I had, one night. I was in the hallway of a downtown business, looking out the door and wondering how I was going to get home, when in strolled the First Hound, walking upright and carrying a set of car keys in one paw. “Ready to go home?” he asked me.  Slightly surprised, I asked him if he’d driven the car. “Oh, yes,” he said, “I like to drive.” “Huh,” I said, as we headed across the town green towards the car, a little worried that, if we saw another dog, the First Hound would be off in a flash and I'd lose my ride home, "Do you mind if I put your collar and leash on you?" "Oh, no," the First Hound replied, "I don't mind. I like my collar and leash."

I was feeling slightly more secure, but still a little leery of being a passenger in a Hound-driven car (barking? going really fast? chasing other cars?).“Do you mind if I drive home?” I asked as the First Hound unlocked the car for me. “Oh, no,” he said, “I don’t mind. If you drive, I can hang my head out the window. I like to hang my head out the window.”

Be sure to check your back seats this summer – there’s no telling what you might find there, and it might not be a giant zucchini.

Written for the blog, July 3, 2017.