A Woman With Chin Hairs

The Woman: in earlier years

I have spiky white hairs on my chin.

They sort of resemble cat whiskers, except that they’re on my chin.

I’m a woman of a certain age, “The time when a woman becomes a man: her breasts flatten, she no longer bleeds nor produces babies, and she grows hair on her chin.” (Ancient Chinese Wisdom.) It’s also the time when women become dragons and conquer the world.

And I would, except for these darn memory lapses.

O, the Dragons!

Here I am, dressed for battle, sword in one hand, fire coming out of my nostrils, on my way to --- huh, what was I coming into this room for? O w, ow, ow, this sword hurts my arthritis! And my back aches. I think I’ll go sit down until I remember what I was doing.

Instead, as I pass the pile of garden baskets, I grab one and go pick peppers and tomatoes and zucchini and green beans, then return to the kitchen to start cutting them up to freeze. Something about this kitchen knife…

Oh! Right! I was going to go save the world! Now, where’d I put my sword?

And off I go, on a hunt for ---what was it I was hunting for? No idea, so I sit at the computer and play Mah Jong Solitaire. Whoever thought I’d ever be old enough to be enjoying playing Mah Jong? Mah Jong is a Chinese game…huh…when women become men… OMG I was heading out to save the world! Where’s my sword?

Off I dash, on a search for the sword. I can feel the fire building in my chest. On my way through the kitchen – Holy balollies, I started to freeze the veggies, I’d better finish that job before the fruit flies get to them and they dry out! What was I thinking??

Plenty of whiskers here

I cut up and freeze the veggies, then glance at the clock. It’s late…after noon. I haven’t eaten breakfast yet. Better do that now. Hmmm, did I take my pills when I got up this morning?

I’m a clever woman, I have A Method: the pills and tinctures I take only once a day I turn to face the wall once I’ve taken them. The pills I take twice a day are together, and turned forward until the second dose, then turned to face the wall. The one I take three times always faces forward. It’s a great method. Except: I don’t remember taking these this morning; did I forget to turn them forward this morning, or are these still turned from last night???   I remember taking them last night...I have no idea…

Lunch over, I notice my sword, on the kitchen counter next to a pile of veggie detritus that needs to go out to the compost bin. Better take that out first or the cats will scatter it all over the floor.  Out the door I go, headed to the compost bins, and on the way back, I pull a few weeds, then I pull a few more, then I remember something I wanted to store in the garden shed, then I notice some tomatoes I missed earlier so I pick those, then I stop to watch the humming birds fighting each other at the feeders, then ---

Oh my god, I’m supposed to be saving the world! Quick, Quick, go get the sword!

Slow but steady saves the World

I shoo the cats in, because I’m not sure how long it’ll take to save the world this time, and put out food for them. Then I grab my sword, and as I dash out the door, I think It’s getting late, I’d better bring the mail and stop at the post office first, it’ll be closed soon..  So I grab the mail, and race to the car, tossing my sword into the back seat. Off I go.

A mile down the road, I think Everything looks different today, I wonder why? I reach up to adjust my glasses – I’m not wearing my glasses! Rats! I turn around and race back home.

Back home, the phone rings. I answer it. Then I pick up the newspaper and do the Sudoku, which I haven’t gotten to yet today. Then:

OMG! The post office! Where are my glasses??

A pretty good joke on you!

I race around the house – they’re nowhere. Not in the living room, not in the kitchen, not on the piles of paperwork next to the computer, not in the bathroom – better go pee while I’m here, I am a Woman of a Certain Age, after all – then I wander out  to the kitchen, and have a love-up with one of the cats. Then all the cats need attention and treats. Then I notice that the second bunch of veggies I brought in are still sitting on the kitchen counter, so I cut those up and freeze them. Then I sit and read the newspaper. Then I notice it’s time to make supper, so I do that.

I want to watch a movie on tv tonight, so I start hunting for my glasses, which are nowhere to be found. Eventually the Husband and I locate them under the couch, where the cats had been playing hockey with them. Early to bed tonight, my back aches, my wrists are sore, and it seems like I forgot to do something important today, but a trip around the house to clean cat poop boxes and wash cat bowls and refill water bowls doesn’t cause anything to come to mind…

Next morning, I leap out of bed, fire spouting from my nostrils, chin hairs bristling. I was supposed to save the world yesterday, gotta get going NOW!

Hmmpf. I wonder where I left my sword???

 

 

For the blog, 7 September 2022

All photos Deb Marshall

 

One might say - flames and fire!