Notes On The Current Zombie Apocalypse

 

Let’s all just forget the zombie apocalypse for a few minutes and concentrate on some good stuff:

• Canada geese are back

• First crocuses in bloom tucked up against the south wall of the house

• Red-winged blackbirds are back and burbling joyously

• Every day, more of the garden emerges from snow – except today, when it snowed overnight

• Johnny-Jump-Ups are in bloom in the snow

• Time to start checking for ticks! Remember ticks and Lyme disease? They’re still around!

 

Suggested reading during the time of pestilence:

• Any, or all, of the Miss Read books about Fairacre and Thrush Green. Very soothing, nothing ever happens, and yet, very engrossing.

• Wind in the Willows

• All of Howard Frank Mosher’s novels about a small town in The Kingdom (northern VT, for those of you in souther places)

• Any of Bernd Heinrich’s books. Heinrich’s a naturalist who lives in VT and ME, and studies all sorts of things, and writes about it all very entertainingly

• Louise Penny’s Inspector Gamache mystery novels. I hate mystery novels, but these are about a whole lot more than crime detection; and they’re set in Canada, between the VT border and Montreal

Things to do while we’re waiting for this to be over:

• Sit out in the sun and be amazed that this year, in mid-March, it’s quite comfortable sitting outdoors; and there are no blackflies or mosquitos, and the ground’s still frozen so no grass to mow or garden to labor in

• Go outside at night and listen for the woodcock’s mating buzz and flying-falling swirl. If you’re lucky and the sky’s light enough, you might even see them fly

• Go for a drive. Take a picnic with you. You can’t give anyone the virus, or pass it on, if you’re out in your own car and picnicking where there are no other people. Just remember to use gloves when, or hand sanitizer after, you pump gas.

• Walk the Rail Trail. Take a picnic and thermos with good stuff. Bring a dog.

• If you do those things, don’t forget to check for ticks afterward!

• Laugh, sing, shout, breathe deeply in and deeply out. These things exercise the lungs and make them stronger. Be sure to do deep breathing outside, not in elevators!

Bird bath pedestal waiting for the end of snow

Things not to do during the zombie apocalypse:

• Dust. It makes you sneeze and cough, and in many cases, leads to severe bouts of washing and spring cleaning, and before you know it, you’re painting, weeding stuff out, and planning a yard sale.

• Plan your first-ever garden and order the seeds. Your first-ever garden should be small, or in big pots, and you don’t need to order seeds for that, you can get them locally, and you should start with lettuce and basil and a couple of tomato plants, and maybe a few radishes and a potato bag. If you ignore this advice and buy hundreds of dollars of seeds and fertilizer and potting soil and so on, don’t forget to order a hose, too.

• Hoard stuff. Those four giant boxes of lettuce I saw in one lady’s cart are going to rot before she can possibly eat it all, and take up all the space in her frig until then.  Same with the too-many bottles of milk, the dozens of onions and potatoes – this time of year, they’re all gonna sprout on you. And toilet paper? What’s that all about? We have running water and towels, and besides, this virus doesn’t include diarrhea. And mayonnaise – why are people hoarding mayonnaise?

• Watch tv and listen to radio all day long. You already know what you need to know – minute by minute updates are only going to feed fear (of running out of toilet paper, apparently) and not tell you anything else you need to know. Check in once every few days – that’ll be often enough. Obsession = stress = compromised immune system.

• Imagine that you’re deadly ill when all you have is a cold. Or one of the other flus. Or the stomach bugs that are still going around. Or one of the other upper respiratory viruses still making the rounds. Just stay home, treat it, don’t panic, and realize it doesn’t matter what bug it is you have unless you aren’t protecting others from it but are cavalierly spreading your germs around, or you get so very ill you need to get medical help. Those are the only reasons you really need to know what virus you have. And yes, one of the stomach bugs lasts 4+ days.

Gryphon and Dragon patiently waiting on the path to the blueberry patch, for their summer garden spots

All photos Deb Marshall